Thursday, January 19, 2006
IS MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION VALID IN THIS AGE?
Hi All,
Please read from bottom to Top (I heard there is some start up which is working on such a technology where people could pose stories…just like soap opera’s).
The discussion is an amateur attempt at understanding,,,
IS MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION VALID IN THIS AGE?
…
With due acknowledgements to Ravi & Anil…
Ravi Kiran:- http://rkblogs.net/blog/
Anil:- http://anilkg.blogsome.com
Disclaimer: - All comments expressed here are that of author’s personal views only
From: Nagaraj K.S Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 12:12 PM
To: 'Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)'; 'Anil Kumar Gobbak
Cc: 'Rk'
Subject: RE: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Also see.. www.laddertheory.com/ or
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/
This is essentially some scientific attempt at understanding relation ships b/n “A man” & “A Woman”
Sorry guys if you already knew it.
From: Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 8:41 PM
To: Anil Kumar Gobbak; Nagaraj K.S
Cc: Rk
Subject: RE: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Hi Nagaraj and Anil,
I had some thoughts that day to put...but since I got late I had to rush.
I would have had essentially told the same thing Nagaraj already mentioned. It is not about marriage or about the thread or about the fear of divorce or tied to conditions. Taking for granted is the only reason that people start seeing the differences. I had myself seen this "taking for granted" causing problems in normal friendship relations or pre-marriage relations too. Before marriage, both are careful that they do not loose others. After the marriage (in India), they feel secure and they do not take this precaution to hide the bad part of theirs. (This considering that everyone has some part which is not very acceptable to others - it could be as silly as uncleanliness or as serious as some bad habits). As Nagaraj said, we should stop looking for perfectness....and I term this and everything as maturity. There is nothing more than compatibility that results in a successful marriage - for I am sure - love marriages have failed as much as arranged marriages and same with success rate. Ultimately it does not matter how it started but it matters how is it sustained and this requires continuous maturity and conscious compatibility. [Am I going away from topic ?]
If you ask me , I would (you might blame me for being anti-Indian or pro-west thinking) not term live-in as bad. [I think Anil might just fry me immediately for saying this - let me also confess that I have not seen much of the world and am ignorant to many issues. But then, it is my thoughts...] People go to lengths just to "avoid" divorce and just to keep going they bear unjust lives. They are not only cheating others but also to themselves. In these conditions, divorce is good ! Regd live-in, it is sort of a mix of pre-marriage love where in they are not too secure and will hence do not take each others for granted. Fear of losing always keeps one on his toes. And the mix also involves that of marriage - to be there for each other all the time under one roof.
Of course I do understand the complications regarding children and other issues of a live-in relationship...but all these arise in an immature relation. In a mature relation, it does not matter if it is a live-in or a marriage. My best example for a live-in success is that of my favorites - Steffi Graff and Agassi. Now consider that against 3 marriages Kamal Hassan (of which one was live-in) or the breakups of Aamir/Saif (who had love marriage in the first place !!).
Another reason why comparing friendship and marriage is unfair is that ....in friendship we still do not know the complete person...even if it is maximum, we spend just 1 hour of a day with our friend. And friendships before marriages is of very short duration considering marriage duration. Curiousity as Anil said, and more of "unknown areas" keep the fire burning bright during the initial stages.
Rgds, Ravikiran R
-----Original Message-----
From: Anil Kumar Gobbak
Sent: Monday, January 16, 2006 10:47 AM
To: Nagaraj K.S; Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)
Subject: RE: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Hi,
>>> I guess people (more so in India) take each other for granted after marriage!!
>>>When this happens Love naturally goes out of window & "Just living together" attitude kicks in...
I feel, just like derivatives there are 2 values built into the marriage.
Total Value = Real Value + Curiousity Value
The curiousity value wears of quite fast (say in a year or a max 2).
The concept of Real Value can be understood, when you consider family as a team with team members complimenting each other with their specific roles (in space in time).
There is another model which seems to be more accurate:
It says, opposites attract. So, attraction works, chemistry works. But, once they stay together, each try to type case the other into their character. So, in a way, they try to remove the very contrast which attracted them in first place. Once contrast is filtered, the attraction/comfort levels go for a toss. In fact, it seems, "what you do not like in others, is what you really contain inside you." So, the best way to analyse your hidden weaknesses is to see what you do not like in other people.
Further research is needed....
Best Regards
From: Nagaraj K.S
Sent: Monday, 16. January 2006 9:18 AM
To: Anil Kumar Gobbak ; 'Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)
'Subject: RE: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Good morning guys......
.... Why people can not carry the same formula to marriage??
>>> I guess people (more so in India) take each other for granted after marriage!!
When this happens Love naturally goes out of window & "Just living together" attitude kicks in...
I guess this is the reason why in Germany a lot of them "Live together" & not get married (Financial implications apart!!)
I hear that this tradition (Live in) is already there in Mumbai & delhi & slowly kicking its legs in b'lore too, where distant people who stay apart from family find solace in each other's company!!!
>>>>I guess as Brad pitt says in "Fight club" Let's stop being perfect....Let's evolve....
Yeah I did see the new eminem video....I believe it could be a short, sort of a publicity stunt so that his video gets promoted...!!
Not sure!!!
Best rgds
Nagaraj
From: Anil Kumar Gobbak
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 7:57 PM
To: Nagaraj K.S; Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)
Subject: Re: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Hi RK and Nagaraj,
Interesting love story of bong female and punjabi guy.
Love blooms with detachment and some distance for hide and seek.
Once, it is tied with conditions it vanishes in a second.
Somehow, I was comparing Friendship vs Marriage.
When two people are friends (irrespective of gender), they really seem to have great time.
Why people can not carry the same formula to marriage ??
Of late, I am finding enoromous amount of cover up, that people do to look good in the society.
I am also wondering, will there be a day, when people will have something called "divorce invitation" and "divorce party" ?
Btw, I read in newspapers that Eminem and his Ex-Wife are remarrying each other.
You may have seen one of his music videos with his wife and 2 daughters in it.
Best Regards
Anil
From: Nagaraj K.S
Sent: Friday, 13. January 2006 3:20 PM
To: 'Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)'; Anil Kumar Gobbak
Subject: FW: [namma-gampargumpu] Fwd: [dilsedesigroup] Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
It's another beautiful way of expressing love...
http://sumeetandsubarna.weddingwindow.com/index.cfm?fa=proposal
Rgds
Nagaraj
Please read from bottom to Top (I heard there is some start up which is working on such a technology where people could pose stories…just like soap opera’s).
The discussion is an amateur attempt at understanding,,,
IS MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION VALID IN THIS AGE?
…
With due acknowledgements to Ravi & Anil…
Ravi Kiran:- http://rkblogs.net/blog/
Anil:- http://anilkg.blogsome.com
Disclaimer: - All comments expressed here are that of author’s personal views only
From: Nagaraj K.S Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 12:12 PM
To: 'Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)'; 'Anil Kumar Gobbak
Cc: 'Rk'
Subject: RE: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Also see.. www.laddertheory.com/ or
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/
This is essentially some scientific attempt at understanding relation ships b/n “A man” & “A Woman”
Sorry guys if you already knew it.
From: Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 8:41 PM
To: Anil Kumar Gobbak; Nagaraj K.S
Cc: Rk
Subject: RE: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Hi Nagaraj and Anil,
I had some thoughts that day to put...but since I got late I had to rush.
I would have had essentially told the same thing Nagaraj already mentioned. It is not about marriage or about the thread or about the fear of divorce or tied to conditions. Taking for granted is the only reason that people start seeing the differences. I had myself seen this "taking for granted" causing problems in normal friendship relations or pre-marriage relations too. Before marriage, both are careful that they do not loose others. After the marriage (in India), they feel secure and they do not take this precaution to hide the bad part of theirs. (This considering that everyone has some part which is not very acceptable to others - it could be as silly as uncleanliness or as serious as some bad habits). As Nagaraj said, we should stop looking for perfectness....and I term this and everything as maturity. There is nothing more than compatibility that results in a successful marriage - for I am sure - love marriages have failed as much as arranged marriages and same with success rate. Ultimately it does not matter how it started but it matters how is it sustained and this requires continuous maturity and conscious compatibility. [Am I going away from topic ?]
If you ask me , I would (you might blame me for being anti-Indian or pro-west thinking) not term live-in as bad. [I think Anil might just fry me immediately for saying this - let me also confess that I have not seen much of the world and am ignorant to many issues. But then, it is my thoughts...] People go to lengths just to "avoid" divorce and just to keep going they bear unjust lives. They are not only cheating others but also to themselves. In these conditions, divorce is good ! Regd live-in, it is sort of a mix of pre-marriage love where in they are not too secure and will hence do not take each others for granted. Fear of losing always keeps one on his toes. And the mix also involves that of marriage - to be there for each other all the time under one roof.
Of course I do understand the complications regarding children and other issues of a live-in relationship...but all these arise in an immature relation. In a mature relation, it does not matter if it is a live-in or a marriage. My best example for a live-in success is that of my favorites - Steffi Graff and Agassi. Now consider that against 3 marriages Kamal Hassan (of which one was live-in) or the breakups of Aamir/Saif (who had love marriage in the first place !!).
Another reason why comparing friendship and marriage is unfair is that ....in friendship we still do not know the complete person...even if it is maximum, we spend just 1 hour of a day with our friend. And friendships before marriages is of very short duration considering marriage duration. Curiousity as Anil said, and more of "unknown areas" keep the fire burning bright during the initial stages.
Rgds, Ravikiran R
-----Original Message-----
From: Anil Kumar Gobbak
Sent: Monday, January 16, 2006 10:47 AM
To: Nagaraj K.S; Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)
Subject: RE: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Hi,
>>> I guess people (more so in India) take each other for granted after marriage!!
>>>When this happens Love naturally goes out of window & "Just living together" attitude kicks in...
I feel, just like derivatives there are 2 values built into the marriage.
Total Value = Real Value + Curiousity Value
The curiousity value wears of quite fast (say in a year or a max 2).
The concept of Real Value can be understood, when you consider family as a team with team members complimenting each other with their specific roles (in space in time).
There is another model which seems to be more accurate:
It says, opposites attract. So, attraction works, chemistry works. But, once they stay together, each try to type case the other into their character. So, in a way, they try to remove the very contrast which attracted them in first place. Once contrast is filtered, the attraction/comfort levels go for a toss. In fact, it seems, "what you do not like in others, is what you really contain inside you." So, the best way to analyse your hidden weaknesses is to see what you do not like in other people.
Further research is needed....
Best Regards
From: Nagaraj K.S
Sent: Monday, 16. January 2006 9:18 AM
To: Anil Kumar Gobbak ; 'Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)
'Subject: RE: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Good morning guys......
.... Why people can not carry the same formula to marriage??
>>> I guess people (more so in India) take each other for granted after marriage!!
When this happens Love naturally goes out of window & "Just living together" attitude kicks in...
I guess this is the reason why in Germany a lot of them "Live together" & not get married (Financial implications apart!!)
I hear that this tradition (Live in) is already there in Mumbai & delhi & slowly kicking its legs in b'lore too, where distant people who stay apart from family find solace in each other's company!!!
>>>>I guess as Brad pitt says in "Fight club" Let's stop being perfect....Let's evolve....
Yeah I did see the new eminem video....I believe it could be a short, sort of a publicity stunt so that his video gets promoted...!!
Not sure!!!
Best rgds
Nagaraj
From: Anil Kumar Gobbak
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 7:57 PM
To: Nagaraj K.S; Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)
Subject: Re: Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
Hi RK and Nagaraj,
Interesting love story of bong female and punjabi guy.
Love blooms with detachment and some distance for hide and seek.
Once, it is tied with conditions it vanishes in a second.
Somehow, I was comparing Friendship vs Marriage.
When two people are friends (irrespective of gender), they really seem to have great time.
Why people can not carry the same formula to marriage ??
Of late, I am finding enoromous amount of cover up, that people do to look good in the society.
I am also wondering, will there be a day, when people will have something called "divorce invitation" and "divorce party" ?
Btw, I read in newspapers that Eminem and his Ex-Wife are remarrying each other.
You may have seen one of his music videos with his wife and 2 daughters in it.
Best Regards
Anil
From: Nagaraj K.S
Sent: Friday, 13. January 2006 3:20 PM
To: 'Ravikiran, Rajagopal (R.)'; Anil Kumar Gobbak
Subject: FW: [namma-gampargumpu] Fwd: [dilsedesigroup] Fw: Infy couples wedding invitation!!!MUST C
It's another beautiful way of expressing love...
http://sumeetandsubarna.weddingwindow.com/index.cfm?fa=proposal
Rgds
Nagaraj
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